For the uninitiated, HuniePop is a puzzle/dating sim which came out in early 2015. The protagonist (you) meets a love fairy (Kyu) who takes it upon herself to break you of your virgin status. No, she doesn’t bed you (at least not initially), but rather helps you to meet a series of lovely ladies who you must successfully romance across a total of four dates. Each date is little more than a “match-three” puzzle not unlike those of Bejeweled or Candy Crush. Dates become progressively harder the longer you play through the game, and successfully romancing every possible lover unlocks “Alpha Mode,” where the score requirement increases indefinitely.
So who are these potential love interests? There are twelve in total, four of which are not available to the protagonist until certain conditions are met. As the purposes of this article are to rate the girls by my propensity to fall in love with them, spoilers are obvious here. You can find a complete list of characters on any of the HuniePop wiki pages circulating the internet. So without further ado, here we go!
#12) Momo. Almost nothing is known about this character, and to meet her, you must first dispose of a goldfish in Dawnwood Park. She’ll ask if she can have it and tell you that she is looking for a “master.” She believes herself to be a cat, and as such, she has a noticeable degree of catlike quirks. It’s possible that she is merely a nature spirit manifesting in the player’s mind, but some would argue that she really is a cat and that the player is committing bestiality. That said, my biggest peeve with her is the constant childlike naiveté she manifests throughout the game, and clearly I’m not the only one who feels that way.
#11) Nikki Ann-Marie. An 18-year old Australian girl, she spends much of her time playing videogames or working at a local coffee shop. She’s introverted, yet she has a zero-tolerance policy for bullshit. She would do well with others who feel and act the way she does; unfortunately, this tends to typecast her a little too much. If I met her, I’d likely be acquaintances with her, but not overly close due to personality differences.
#10) Jessie Maye. She’s a professional porn actress, age 36, with a rather obvious love for money. She uses her “assets” to smooth talk men and women alike, and she isn’t one to turn down a gift or twenty. Her pride and joy would be her daughter Tiffany, who was born twenty years prior to the events of the series. Jessie is a natural hedonist, preferring sexual relationships over romantic ones. She’s lovable and I would say incredibly soft, but in spite of my own lovable sex-mania, she might be a bit much even for me.
#9) Tiffany Maye. As stated previously, Tiffany is the 20-year old daughter of Jessie Maye and an aspiring nursing student. Given the surprising amount of contrast between the two of them, one starts to wonder whether Jessie pushed Tiffany to live the life she never could, or if Tiffany merely wanted to be the woman her mother was not. She desires a committed relationship and grows worrisome at the thought of ever being cheated on. Cute though she may be, things tend not to work out when I meet girls like her.
#8) Lola Rembrite. Lola is a 24-year old flight stewardess who hails from the land of tea and crumpets. She loves tennis, and her job allows her to travel frequently. Of course, this means you cannot really spend as much time together as you might like. Still, she is just so fun and adorable and if I had the chance to meet her, I would love to have all sorts of talks with her over coffee. If I could somehow stow away inside her luggage compartment, all the better.
#7) Kyanna Delrio. Kyanna is 21, works as a hairstylist, and has a son who is about a year old at the start of the series. It’s alluded that her former lover walked out on her, either during the pregnancy or shortly after. Like Tiffany, she is a strong believer in commitment. Outside of that, she is incredibly athletic, bubbly and fun to be around. She dreams of being an actress, and she has more than enough charisma to fill the part.
#6) Audrey Belrose. Audrey is a bitch, she knows it, and most of all she owns it. When not in college, this 21-year old French girl spends her time indulging in the sinful side of life – sex, drugs, alcohol, and exploiting others financially. In spite of this, I found her to be incredibly charming the more time I spent around her. She reminds me of a girl who I dated back in high school and am still good friends with today (and if said girl ever reads this, she may inflict several shades of white-hot fury upon me, so…).
#5) Beli Lapran. On my first playthrough, Beli was one of the girls I fell in love with immediately. Her devotion to spirituality, impressive yoga skills and unparalleled honesty were all traits that had me completely hooked. Like others in the series, she favors a committed relationship, but she seems equally understanding of others who might disagree with her point of view. She’s someone with whom exploration would become very deep and meaningful.
#4) Venus. She is the goddess of love, and she has no desire to speak to you until you’ve successfully romanced all eight human girls plus your resident love fairy. She takes an extreme pride in her body, which she considers to be perfect. At the same time, she remains charming and reserved. She is the most experienced woman around, which makes a lot of sense considering her age hovers around ten thousand. What I would give to learn from the grandmistress herself.
#3) Celeste Luvendass. After receiving a strange device from your resident love fairy, you decide to take it with you down to the beach one night. A mysterious blue-skinned woman stops you, claiming that it belongs to her. This is how you meet Celeste, an alien who travels the cosmos as a kind of peacekeeper. She claims to be the equivalent of thirty-two years old, though what this means for her species is rather unknown. It’s speculated that she can be reborn several times over. Her intergalactic exploits can sometimes get her into trouble, although she seems rather comfortable with succumbing to the random tentacle monster every now and again. Her beauty surpasses that of even Venus, at least in my eyes.
#2) Aiko Yumi. Aiko has to be one of the most popular HuniePop girls and with good reason. At age twenty-eight, she already has a Master’s degree and teaches at the nearby university. Off the clock, she’s a hard-drinking party girl, experienced in the ways of sex, an occasional domme, and very nearly as flexible as Beli. She admits she isn’t perfect, struggles with her life choices the same as anyone else, and feels the most genuine out of all the HuniePop girls. In fact, she would probably take the number one slot if it were not for one small problem…
#1) Kyu Sugardust. That’s right; the resident love fairy herself decides to throw her proverbial hat in the ring the moment you’ve successfully romanced at least one girl. In series, her age is 384, and her current role is performed under the direct supervision of Venus herself. Her interactions with others are rather formulaic – find virgin, destroy virginity, fuck as reward for job well done – but it becomes apparent over time that Kyu generally cares about you as an individual. In a way, each client holds a special memory and a special place in her heart. Hers is a mindset which resonates with me completely.
On top of that, Kyu is perhaps more of a “gives-no-fucks” type of girl than Aiko or even Audrey. She masturbates constantly to the point of outright teasing you with her antics. She is more casual about sex than anyone else in the cast by far, but at the same time, the thought of experiencing completely new is very exciting to her. If I ever met a love fairy for real, I would seriously consider just having her spirit me away to her reality and keeping me as her love pet.
For those of you who played through the game, who did you pick as your favorite girl? Feel free to let your voice be heard!