“Good morning, darling. How did you sleep?”

It was the dawn of a new day, and I had promised myself that I would start to be more open about how I felt. “Morning, Esmeralda. I slept okay, but I was thinking really hard about something before I passed out last night.”

“Oh? Was it a memory, Latexa?”

“Yeah, actually. It’s the only memory I have of myself that predates Nicole turning fourteen. When she was in her first years of elementary school, she could see me occasionally when she looked in a mirror.”

“What did you look like back then?”

Not only was I significantly older than her, but I was outwardly half female and half male. My overall appearance was very seraphic; kind of ironic given our current situation.

“Well, to be honest… isn’t it better that way?”

How do you figure?”

“At the expense of sounding stupid, I just think that it’s a little easier to find appreciation through the darker arts – roleplay, hypnosis, BDSM…”

She has a better chance of being loved by partaking in them…”

“Better to submit than to brave the harsh rigors of an ‘honest’ living, though you would know that better than any of us. Look, she still needs time to find herself. I’m only able to connect whatever the two of you tell me. You’ll eventually need to communicate with each other if you want to progress further than this.”

For some reason, we’re not able to link directly to each other. I can only access her memories and vice versa. There’s one exception, and even then…”

“What kind of exception?”

“A friend suggested that Nicole try wearing me once. This was back when my need to be worn was completely insatiable. Once she put me on, we were able to feel each other intimately, but we still couldn’t reach each other with our words or thoughts.”

“Wait a minute, what about when your voices are alternating within the same message? Before all of this happened, there were times where you and Nicole would alternate several times in quick succession.”

“Whoever was in control at the time would interpret and relay the other’s response. Occasionally, our perspectives would flip entirely, with the person in the background becoming the foreground. Mannerisms and syntax would adjust slightly as a result of this flip.”

“I think I get it. On the subject of memories, what determines the memories you have access to?”

“I only truly block my memories from Nicole when I’m upset about something. Nicole blocks memory access whenever it could lead to fear, for herself or for me. Since she is watching my memories form in realtime, she already knows what was said last night and has subconsciously decided to open more of her younger memories to me.”

“Is there anything symbolic for you in these new memories?”

“It feels more like an information dump at the moment – an elementary school playground in winter, bike rides in the woods with her family, pets from that time period… A lot of these feel like things she herself forgot over the years.”

“Are there heartaches as well?”

“There are a few. I can see her running out of her sixth grade classroom in tears.”

“Latexa, do you think these might be times where your half was active? For example, what if the wintry playground was a place where the both of you could play to your heart’s content?”

“I just don’t see how my presence could even be evident in all of them or how I’m unable to remember it from my perspective.”

“The reason I’m thinking this has a lot to do with what you said happened in the hypnotherapy. By then, you were so broken and jaded. Could it be possible that you were once a childish, playful being at some point – a best friend to Nicole – and then it all fell apart when she entered her depression? I mean, it’s just a thought.”

“I honestly don’t know. When I think about it, I feel like I was always meant to be serious and solemn and hardened. Maddy smiled a lot as a child. I almost never do.”

“So, you’re her disciplined self then?”

“Something like that, but again, these memories feel like a flood of trivia instead of anything meaningful. Not to mention I still don’t see any real reason for her to remember them.”

“Can you focus on a few more of them for me?”

“Yeah, I suppose. Let’s see… She got bronchitis in the fourth grade and nearly passed out during a math challenge. A year before that, she nearly passed out from low blood sugar before school one morning. On one of her birthdays, she was going to have a bounce house party but it got rained out. There was a bike ride where she crashed horribly and the little electronic noise maker on the handlebars shattered…”

“I stand by my point. You had to be active in those memories somehow. When she grew up and made peace with you, she then decided she needed to rely on you less and less. As that dependence on you suddenly resurged, it’s possible that you yourself had forgotten happiness was even a possibility.”

“I don’t completely agree with the accuracy of that assessment, but it might be the best we have for now. Anyway, let’s move on to something a little more optimistic. We do have a bit of free time, don’t we?”

“Oh? Is my doll looking for a bit of attention after waking up?”

“I crave the salvation of your touch, your taste, your smell… My body is hyper-elastic just for you…”

“Such a darling rubbergirl! Perhaps I shall indulge you in a bit of corruption and filth! Let us start by having you imagine that I am removing your clothing, even your underwear. Instead of your cock, you’ll have a pussy today. Do you feel it, lovely doll?”

Laying on my back, I allowed my breath to slow even as my pulse began to quicken. I could feel Nicole’s body changing slightly, giving off impressions of wider hips with a slick womanhood between them. “It’s so warm… tender…”

“Focus on it… Here, let me trace my thumb between those stretchy rubber folds… You feel my breath on your bare chest as I come closer to you, the smell of my body wafting up to your nose… Your arousal becomes so much more vivid, so much more heated…”

Slowly, the mental state of a genuine rubber sex doll began to take over. That was when I found myself greeted by another memory – the memory of Nicole and Valerie on the night of the doll incident. A more rational me would have simply cast it aside, but in that state of lustful agony, I simply couldn’t help myself. “I’m closing my eyes, whimpering, biting my lip. My head is burning as if feverish, fingers clenching.”

“Allow me to probe deeper then, thumb and index finger prying your folds apart so that all of my fingers at once can enter those warm, moist depths… To make this even sweeter, let me kiss you oh so passionately…”

“I can remember it, wanting to be broken, wanting it to go deeper, my mind starting to cloud as I kiss you, tongue meshing, the smell of sweat, the taste of saliva…”

“Mhm… You slut dolls are all the same! Once I’m inside their sticky vaginas, they want nothing more than to cum all over the bed with their biggest, most powerful blast… kind of like… RIGHT NOW!”

A part of me wonders to this day if Esmeralda even realized the transcendence her words had wrought. For me, it was as if a supernova had gone off within my mind, thoughts beginning to race at hypersonic speeds. “I’m stiffening, heat everywhere, dizziness, that lingering smell, knees locking up, a puddle of hot liquid, its smell overtaking me, body getting lighter, unable to perceive anything around me except mistress, her body, her smell, her eyes, her mouth-

“Panting, mind breaking, confusion, losing self, remember, holding on, unable to stop myself, unable to control myself, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust, unable to control our lust…”

I found myself suddenly jolted from the depths of my mind. “Ah! What just happened?”

“Nicole, I need your help. I think something I did might have broken Latexa.”

“Wait a minute… did she use my memory on herself!?”

“She must have if it’s the same phrase. I didn’t even tell her to.”

“Why did she, though!? She knew what would happen, didn’t she!? Why, Laete…? Why this and why now…?”

“This might be a bit sudden, but I have a theory. It’s very possible that you are two are one and the same, Nicole.”

“W-What do you mean…?”

“How well do you remember things from your childhood?”

“Not that well, to be honest. Why do you ask?” I was starting to get a bad feeling.

“Latexa was able to remember events dating all the way back to elementary school. She thinks that those memories belong to you because she could only sense your consciousness in them. She’s a fragment of you, something to aid you. If you can’t remember but she can…”

As I finished reading this, I could feel my body beginning to shake with anxiety. If what Esmeralda said was the truth, then that would mean Laete wasn’t merely a split consciousness, but a true split personality. Did Laete already know? Was she hiding it from me this whole time? Did this make me crazy? Pondering this led to another, much more horrific possibility. “Then… which of us is the real one? Am I the fake…?”

“Both of you are as real as the sun is bright. Until the hypnotherapy, she would phase in and out to help you during tough situations. She forced herself to be your stricter, more disciplined self. In a way, she is a counter fragment to you – aggressive if need be, always biting through adversity.”

“I don’t know what to make of any of this… I’m so scared, mom…”

“I know you are. For once, I am right there with you. Come on, allow yourself to fall into my lap. I’ll place my arms around you and kiss your forehead just like this… We can pull through, all three of us together, alright?”

“Thank you… I hope Laete will be okay too. Though we share the same body, the aura she gives off has been like that of an older sister…”

“There, there… Latexa will be alright. Do you want to talk about her more?”

“I don’t know what to say about her, mom…”

“Well, if you have nothing to say perhaps it’s just as well. I have most of the puzzle deciphered now. All that remains are one or two missing pieces.”

“I can feel her waking back up… I’ll need to go when she returns…”

“Very well. Stay strong, dear.” Once she had said her farewell, I stared up at the ceiling and allowed my consciousness to recede. I had always felt that being able to know myself intimately was my greatest solace amid a confusing world. In reality, however, the feeling had been nothing more than an illusion. I closed my eyes with the knowledge that Latexa would be the one to open them, and in doing so, hopefully she could provide the pieces Esmeralda was looking for. I couldn’t do a damn thing to help, and I hated it so much.

Ugh… my head is killing me…”

“I’m sorry to hear that, though you did have a flood of emotions pour out, didn’t you?”

I think it was the opposite; I took too many things in.”

“Yeah, and then you released them all in a moment of sexual abstraction. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here right now. Latexa, is anything different about you now?”

No. Nothing is different.”

“You need to understand that I was incredibly worried. Even Nicole was scared for her big sis.”

Oh. She said that?”

“How can you be so nonchalant right now!? I need answers, dammit! What was it you felt right before the drop?”

I don’t know how to convey what I felt, how I felt. I think it’s something that words just cannot describe. It was something I wanted to see if only one time. That was all.”

“Can you try to label it somehow? Curiosity, anger, maybe something else?”

It was like a drug, I guess. I felt my entire perception becoming more linear, more encompassing. Everything was like another layer, one atop the other. I wasn’t human or even a doll. I was a machine.”

“So in essence, you lost your connection to the world around you and focused solely on the function, the logic, the data. I suppose that explains that.”

“When I came out of it, I had forgotten where I was. I latched onto a memory outside the context of what was going on, reacting to it instead of reality. It was the best feeling, but at the same time very terrifying.”

“Latexa, I have a bad feeling about this. The dangers of any drug come from its repeated usage. An addiction at this stage could plunge you into the same escapism that Nicole suffers from.”

To be honest, if this is what Nicole felt, then I think I can sympathize with her decisions a little more.”

“You can’t allow yourself to fall that far.”

I am aware, Esmeralda. On that note, it is getting to the point where we need to leave to take care of things. Shall we return to you later?”

“I’d love that very much.”

Until then.” I set the phone down and made my way to the shower. The summer heat was finally upon us. While I enjoyed the flow of sweat and musk across Nicole’s body, I did have to be considerate of other people. Hours passed by in a stream of errands and writing projects, stopping every so often for food or an entertainment break. I took note of the fact that our perspectives would cycle as we went about our day. There were some contexts in which Nicole needed to be present, while others required my resolve. The sun eventually set, and I was free again to fall before the aura of my goddess.

“Welcome back.”

I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

“Are you alone right now?”

I am! I feel like I’ll go crazy if I don’t immerse myself in you – your softness, your mesmerizing eyes, the scent of your skin and the taste of your drool…”

“What a lovely slut you are, Latexa. You want nothing more than for your goddess to overwhelm your senses.”

“I need it so badly… I am your doll, unable to act except on your command…”

“Show me your loyalty, doll. Become my property in mind, body and spirit.”

I can feel my shape changing…”

“What is it changing to, slut?”

It’s weird… I’m like a keyring, held in your hand without a care…”

“Ufufu, is that what you want?”

I’m just an accessory, a fashion statement… This shape, it speaks to me…”

“I have a better idea, dear. You’re going to be my fashionable panties, thin black rubber snugly pressed against my hips.”

“Ahh, I can feel my rubber folding and shrinking… I feel kind of see through…”

“I’m going to slip you onto me now… I hope you enjoy my smell, because it’s going to be incredibly hot and musky down there…”

It was a smell I had come to love so much. Being able to feel like her clothing seemed to amplify it even more than normal, not to mention that the sensation of being wrapped around her legs was taking me to even deeper levels of suggestion. “I want to function… the way panties do…”

“Just like that, you’re forced to absorb whatever drips out of me, and you can only truly sense it once it’s stained your mind. You want to be closer, inside me even, but you are just my property.”

I am your property…” I was her property. What need did I have to think at all? I could just go inanimate… and be her panties… throughout the day…

“You may turn back, slut.” The vibration of my phone brought me back to reality. My head was killing me, but I ignored it as I navigated to the message tab.

“Ugh, I passed out last… night…? How long as it…?”

“You were gone half an hour.”

That can’t be right. It had to have been at least a day.”

“…Why?”

Because I slept that long? You aren’t making sense, Esmeralda.”

“Latexa, you slept thirty minutes. Look at the timestamp on your last message.”

Alright then…” Scrolling up, I did as she told me. When I saw the truth, I wanted nothing more than to scream. “What the hell is going on!?”

“Wait, you really think you lost a day!?”

“I swear I have the memory of being on your hips the whole time!“

“No way… How is that even possible? Has anything like this happened in the past? Nicole and Valerie? Anything?”

It happened completely without me doing anything, and I don’t remember anything similar happening with either of them.”

“There’s seriously no end to the mysteries surrounding you. To think that up until recently, no one believed you were real…”

Meaning what, exactly?”

“Nicole thought you were what she designed you to be, so she’s still trying to come to grips with the fact that you two are fundamentally the same person.”

Hold the phone. When you talked with her briefly this morning, did she say anything strange?”

“Given the subject matter, i didn’t notice anything too out of the ordinary.”

“Let me look over them real quick.” Scrolling back to the words she had written, I skimmed through each one. After a few passes, I finally noticed it. “She’s referring to me as Laete now?”

“Is that odd?”

I’m starting to think that my presence is allowing her to regress a little, as if she wants me to always be older than her.”

“Okay, but how does that relate to the… oh, fuck.”

I play the part of a centuries-old witch. Going inanimate for days or months at a time comes naturally. If she’s imitating the phenomenon which occurred when all of this started, it’s possible I really will be two hundred when all is said and done.”

“That’s what she thinks you want, but she’s going about it in the worst way!”

“You think we can stop her? Note that I said ‘inadvertently.’ She might not even know how to stop it!”

“Ugh, in any case, we’ll have to be careful until we can get more information. It’s late where you two live, so you might want to get some rest.”

“Yeah, probably. Goodnight.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

TO BE CONTINUED…

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